SPEAKING OF STUPIDITY

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

—On a Sears hairdryer —Do not use while sleeping.

(That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

—On a bag of Fritos—You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

—On a bar of Dial soap —‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’

(and that would be???....)

—On some Swanson frozen dinners—‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’

(but, it’s just a suggestion.)

—On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)—‘Do not turn upside down.’

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

—On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding—‘Product will be hot after heating.’

(and you thought?)

—On packaging for a Rowenta iron—‘Do not iron clothes on body.’

(but wouldn’t this save me time?)

—On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine—‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

—On Nytol Sleep Aid—‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’

(I’m taking this because?)

—On most brands of Christmas lights—‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’

(as opposed to what?)

—On a Japanese food processor —‘Not to be used for the other use.’

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

—On Sainsbury’s peanuts —‘Warning: contains nuts.’

(talk about a news flash)

—On an American Airlines packet of nuts—‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’

(Step 3: say what?)

—On a child’s Superman costume—‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’

(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

—On a Swedish chainsaw —‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’

(Oh my God, .was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Blessed are the cracked: For it is they who let in the light