By Bill Franklin


kkkThe KKK has been attracting all the wrong kind of people. Apparently the Klan has been so demonized that it’s getting tougher to get the high caliber thugs they’re accustomed to getting. Their image has been tarnished and so, due to a bad press, (probably liberal and biased), they’ve been getting the type that gives thuggery a bad name.

The KKK has standards and they aren’t being met! Have we sunk so low that we can’t even find people good enough to be in the Ku Klux Klan? There aren’t enough under-the-rock dwellers out there? Maybe what they need is a better understanding of how to put the cool back into creepy. Hitler knew how to do it. People loved him. Except for his mustache which I think brought a certain amount of embarrassment to his upper lip (if upper lips could talk, I think his would say something like “Think handlebar, why don’t cha?”) and the barber shop quartet haircut, (which made it look like a bartender was leading the Western World) Hitler brought some cool to his particular penchant for thinning out the population.

So how might we help the Klan maintain its standards? After all, the Klan has a tradition to uphold and we need to consider their uniforms. Keep the sheets. They still have that creepy thing going and creepy is as creepy does. If the sheet fits, wear it. And boots, these boots are made for walking and kicking. With great sheets and cool kicking boots, the battle is half won. So what could be the problem? Are people showing up in paisley sheets? Are the black boots being discarded for tennies? How can we get guys to sit around in the woods and think of bad things to do to good people in what from a distance would look like a pajama party? And how can cruelty be made palatable in a world where young people are more hopeful than hateful?

I say we dress everyone up in sheets and then have them meditate on ending human suffering. And of course I wouldn’t just stop with the Klan. I’d go dress up with the Taliban just when they start pushing women around. I’d put on my Taliban costume and sit in front of them and meditate on ending suffering. I guess it’s the Gandhi or Woolsworth sit-in thing. But this time we dress up like the enemy (to take away his symbols of distinction) and start teaching by example. Works every time.

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